Travel Shorts – Toronto Pearson

Delays are a normal part of air travel, and people love to bash Air Canada over everything from food to customer service to delays. After having flown multiple times with them over the years, I honestly have no complaints. My luggage has never been lost, I’ve never been bumped and the few minor delays I’ve experienced have never been that disruptive to my travel plans.

That is, until I went to Denver to start a tour of the canyon lands in and around southern Utah.

Okay, disruptive isn’t the right word for this endless series of delays.

Entertaining is more like it (in hindsight, of course). The ironic part is that Air Canada wasn’t the primary culprit.

It usually takes about three and a half hours to fly to Denver from Toronto. I call this my “Six hour Denver Odyssey.”

When I arrived in Toronto from St. John’s, I learned the flight had been delayed forty-five minutes due to mechanical issues. I did the mental calculation and figured that the delay would still get me into Denver with an hour to spare before the scheduled welcome meeting with my tour group. There was a slight delay in boarding because they had changed planes, so they had to reallocate the seats.

I got lucky 13D. That should have been my first clue.

So, that’s delay #1 and #2. That was also the extent of Air Canada’s direct responsibility in this Odyssey.

Once on board, I learned that a Canadian Olympic figure skater was sitting across from me with his mother. We had a chat and the mom was concerned that their connection to Colorado Springs was already tight and any more delays might mean a night in Denver.

She wasn’t happy when the pilot told us that the tractor that was needed to push us back from the gate had broken down and we had to wait for another one. Twenty minutes later, the plane started to move and the figure skater’s mother breathed a sign of relief. She expected they could just make it.

That’s delay #3. (Pearson’s fault)

The plane started to taxi out. From my seat, I could see there was a short line up for the runway. Then I noticed the flight attendants moving back and forth down the aisle long after I’d expected them to be in their seats. They seemed to be a bit rushed as well.

Heads started to turn as they appeared to be congregating around seat 25 or 26. One flight attendant rushed up to first class and returned with an arm full air sickness bags only to be met by two passengers who were being relocated to first class.

Meanwhile, the plane kept moving towards the front of the line. When a flight attendant picked up the phone to speak to the pilots, I just knew someone wasn’t going to make their flight to Colorado Springs.

And I was beginning to wonder if I’d make my welcome meeting.

Two flight attendants stopped next to my seat and I overheard one say “Hey, I can’t do vomit. I can do dead people, but not vomit.”

I caught myself before I asked, “you do dead people?”

The plane got to the head of the line and then made a wrong turn. The mother groaned as the pilot explained that we had to return to the terminal to remove a passenger who “wasn’t so well.” He said there were emergency techs waiting for Mr. Not-so-Well at the gate. Then the rumours started to fly faster than we were. The consensus among rows 12, 13 and 14 came down to the belief that it was an infectious disease and that we might end up in quarantine.

Delay #4. (That one is on Mr. Not-so-Well)

Delay #5 was unavoidable and happened when we got back to the terminal where we had to wait for a gate to become available. One eventually opened up and we pulled in. Now, we all know that when a passenger is removed from a flight, their luggage has to go with them. I don’t need to tell you how long that could take.

Not nearly as quick as it took the police to remove Mr. Not-so-Well.

Yeah, it seems “emergency techs” was another word for police.

We were waiting so long for the luggage to be removed that we had time to get up, go to the washroom, stretch our legs and use our cell phones. While waiting for the washroom, I listened to the flight attendants explain that the passenger had a fear of flying and had taken too much anti-anxiety medication and chased them down with a number of beer.

So, while we felt the cargo doors open and close below us, a cleaning crew rushed in, cleaned up aisle 25 and even removed and replaced the seat cushion. It seemed that infectious disease, quarantine and death were no longer a concern.

The figure skater’s mother wondered if they would make a later flight to Colorado Springs. I had already written off my welcome meeting.

Then a woman a few rows back got up, got her carry-on and walked off the plane.

Delay #6. (That’s on Mrs. I-have-no-idea-why-she-left)

Now, I don’t drink. Knowing that they now had to find her luggage was enough to drive me to drink. I settled for a Coke as the cleaning crew finished up and walked off the plane with garbage bags full of seat parts and vomit. The flight attendants asked everyone to return to their seats and I leaned to my left to watch the attendant as she prepared to close the door.

Then someone shouted, “wait!”

Every head turned as another woman hauled out her carry-on and rushed off the plane.

Delay #7 (That’s on Mrs. I-have-no-idea-why-she-left’s twin)

The figure skater mom looked like her head was ready to explode as the cargo doors are opened one more time. We eventually felt them shut and the flight attendant prepared to close the door.

She hesitated and then stood in the aisle and shouted out, “anyone else?”

😀